Two populations, both disregarded

This was on the forethought of my mind. I was aware of one group, but until last night I was unaware of the second one. I never disregarded them, I merely never looked that way, I never considered this group in any way. It was not malice, it was not intent. It was merely the stage I found myself on. Just like some will never listen to some radio stations. Some are unaware, some merely do not care about radio, as such is the second group malicious? Is there intent? No, there is not and there I find myself. My third IP bundle was worth a penny or two, but I never considered that its valuation would surpass $2,000,000,000 optionally approaching way too close to $3,000,000,000. Now this sounds fine in many eyes. Yet the setting is that the first payment for Amazon is a mere $50,000,000 (post taxation). And that is where it stays. You see the second payment gets me 10% of sales and IP value. I set it to that degree so that I et a fair share, yet I never considered that the first and third bundle would go towards the 5B mark. That gets me way more than I ever considered or hoped for. I was merely looking for a (very comfortable) retirement setting, owning that much was not planned and now I find myself in a bit of a quandary.

You see, I believe in the axiom of overestimation, its dangers and optional the delusional side of it (on me), and it made me remember a sales term “Commission-based structures can lead to problems with motivation. While the possibility of extra compensation might excite employees temporarily, it may not motivate them over the long term.” The same can be said for service minded staff, but it is not exactly the same. There we get “Income-based structures can lead to problems with creative motivation over time. While the possibility of a bonus might excite employees temporarily, it may not motivate them over the long term. More important, the promise of a golden calf tends to make service people anxious, distrustful and optionally delusional” that’s where I find myself. The anxious side is there because the parts that mattered the least are now valued well above what I imagined it ever would. Distrustfulness is there, because I do not trust myself. I presently question every number I have, all the calculations add up and I have done them  half a dozen times in the last 24 hours. And lastly the delusional side is that I fail to believe in me. I am good, but to be shown that I am THAT good is folly. It is believing that I can walk on fire, even though I know that the fire would burn me to a crisp. This is not some setting of mind over matter, which is basically the setting that I do not mind, as I do not matter. It also gets me the setting that I cannot believe that Amazon and Google are seemingly on that page yet. A station that seems too crazy to seriously consider. So I go back t the drawing board. Where did I make the calculation error? And every time I do, I get the same results and I see additional supporting sides to it all. 

At times we need to believe in ourselves and we must above all believe that we can fail, at times failure propels us, that I can agree with, but to see that I got ahead by players like Amazon and Google 4 times in a row is just weird, but here you have it, a setting of contemplated failure on one side and the idea that I am due 10% of several billions is a weird station, and I get there by enabling two populations, so how come I am sitting here alone contemplating why others cannot see what I do?

I am at a loss of words and thoughts at present.


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