Doubts on self

We all have them, yet after a few confirmations I had over the last few days I am hit with self-doubt. I think it is natural for me to have them. You see, to merely contemplate my thoughts, I tend to doubt everything, even my self. As I do that I redesign the ideas I have and further optimize them. This is how I roll. I always try to improve the ideas I see and have, there is always better. As I call whatever I create ‘good’, I know that there is always ‘better’, just out of reach. When you do not take that approach you will soften and others will pass you by with your IP. I think that is why I always try to improve all settings in gaming in my mind. Is there an exception? Yes, of course there is. I cannot vouch for every game to give it the ‘approved’ setting. As such I was too unimpressed with Infamous: Second Son. There are sides that unimpressed me towards a rating slightly less then good. Even though the storytelling in that game is nothing short of sublime. The setting and a lot of elements are exceptional, if it wasn’t for the linearity of the game. The game would have been an easy 90% game. So what is the exception of a game? Well I am not the ‘choice’ on that ruling, but I played a game again which I haven’t touched since its release in 2016, remade from the 2002 original. That game is as close as perfect as a game gets. And my joy feeling I had when replaying that game last week for almost 6 hours straight until I realized it was close to midnight. Insomniac Games really did a piece of fine work on that and it is clear that it deserved all the ratings that was between 80 and 90 percent. The game has layers of achievements and you need to replay levels more than once to get all the goodies. Do not forget that it was mostly OK (the 2002 version) and that was on the Playstation 2, a system that is three generations old. As such the game is pretty fantastic. 

Loss
This game also leaves me with a feeling of loss. Why aren’t more games with this feeling? It seems that most games are about the hip, the adrenaline. Not the joy of gaming. Even Sony has made this mistake in their games. Lets be clear there games are mostly awesome, yet the joy of gaming is leaving us. If I get the sentiment correctly Astro Bot (2024) is the one exception to this (I still haven’t played it). Personally for me Hogwarts Legacy (2023) was the last game where the joy of gaming was abundant. It might be me, but I think that whilst gaming firms are leaving it all to business majors, they forgot about the joy of gaming and that is making me sad. And in this the only exception is Nintendo. Not sure what their setting is, but as I see it joy is the larger component to anything they do and they do it well. 

So what brings this around. You see, in all my reengineering I often forget about joy, the joy of gaming. I see it and I recognize it, but I don’t follow that path myself. I cannot cater to joy, merely the exceptional need to make the better game. It is a failing in me and I see that. 

This also reflects on most things I do. Although I focus on the engineering side of things, I see that the joy part in anything we do is essential. It isn’t merely gaming, it is all we do that requires the joy of more and that is sad.

Reflection
That reflection also hits the Russian side of the Ukraine war. You see, we are made from sterner stuff, unlike the pussies in Washington DC stating “U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said Wednesday that NATO membership for Ukraine was unrealistic and suggested Kyiv should abandon hopes of winning all its territory back from Russia and instead prepare for a negotiated peace settlement to be backed up by international troops” (source: AP News). This is the response of a near bankrupt nation that seemingly puts the words of Wall Street as the go getter sentiment. All whilst 11 hours ago we are given “A senior U.S. official on Thursday said the United States had not ruled out potential NATO membership for Ukraine or a negotiated return to its pre-2014 borders, contradicting comments made this week by the U.S. defense secretary ahead of possible peace talks to end the Ukraine war.” (Source: Reuters) As I personally see it different people take a different look at Wall Street politicking their money views against what is right and Russia is a problem for everyone. If only DARPA had taken my word seriously. You see as I see it, the nuclear solution I had for Saudi Arabia, which would take Iran’s nuclear aspirations to their basement was based on Russian nuclear reactors. As such works for party B as easy as party A. And in my (perhaps incorrect view) when Russia gets a second meltdown Russia would need to divert too many resources to their own reactors and Russian armies come to a stand still. Yes Ukraine does plenty of damage, but until summer it is electricity Russia desperately needs and when 46 reactors (plus one on meltdown) are on lockdown their sense of freezing changes and that stops a lot of actions. Call me superstitious, but I believe that Russians prefer freezing over glowing in the dark. But that could just be me. You see, this reflects on the gaming sentiment over warfare as warfare is not about joy. Wall Street will reflect on the essential need of joy, which comes from victory. But Russia left that feeling behind by getting beat by the 20th largest army in the world. When you try to improve things you also gain the ability to make things a lot worse through the view of what was not found. The flaws of a system allows for certain improvements of a personal nature and what is more fun than seeing a Russian reactor melting down? So whilst politicians volley about what ends a war as it is said in Euro News as “The new US Secretary of Defence has categorically ruled out granting NATO membership to Ukraine as a security guarantee to end Russia’s war.” A statement he had to walk back a mere 11 hours ago. So how settled is this new American administration on claims? Their one win seems to be the Gulf of America. As far as I can tell the tariffs on Canada and Australia are being met with consideration and that is igniting the Commonwealth a lot stronger than ever before. 

So what do these two things have to do with one another?
That is a valid question and there is no clear answer. There are too many optional answers, but my take is that a game creator has no funds and it trying to make it work, America has little to no funds left and is trying to make that work too and in some funny way it is appeasing Russia to make their budgets work and in this it is laughable that the Republicans are appeasing towards Russia, a sight that they tend to blame Democrats for.

And now Canada is shelving American goods and I reckon Australia is merely one step away from that as well as setting the purchasing need on Canadian goods. America has merely made things harder for themselves (This could be my wrongly view on matters). 

So in the end we merely need to doubt self to some degree and see what we can do to make it better for us and I understand that America does what is best for Americans. In that same feeling Canadians and Australians need to do what is best for their nations as well as the Commonwealth. That is the uniting side of the matter. Will it bring joy? It is too early to tell, but appeasing Russia and President Putin will not bring any joy, of that you can be certain.

Have a great and peaceful day and try to make life a little better for yourself.